Published: 11:25 BST, 15 June 2018 | Updated: 16:35 BST, 16 June 2018
The nation’s reputation is at stake.
What our values are.
What Great Britain June 2018 stands for.
Whether we can feel proud of ourselves or will be ashamed to be associated with the next few weeks if they go horribly wrong.
No not in the World Cup.
Sneaky: Love Island's Eyal is gradually becoming the most loathed contestant on a Reality TV series since Nasty Nick on Big Brother
How England represents us to billions all over the planet pales into insignificance compared to what happens in the battle between Eyal Booker and Alex George on Love Island.
Their struggle to win Megan Barton Hanson’s heart (and not just her heart) has mutated into a matter of such epic importance it has got the whole country talking and holding its breath. (Not easy simultaneously.)
You may think I’m exaggerating but just imagine: what if Megan ultimately really doesn’t fancy Alex, never does give him a chance, and keeps on rejecting him? In other words, what if she simply chooses Eyal and stays with him?
What would that say about us? Eyal triumphing over Alex? Nothing good that’s for sure.
Even without Eyal gradually becoming the most loathed contestant on a Reality TV series since Nasty Nick on Big Brother, Alex always was going to be the show’s golden boy.
He’s a doctor for one thing – a hero working in the NHS, in A&E, not private. And among Love Island’s harem of preening, vacant, pretty boys, Alex is well spoken, well mannered and intelligent (admittedly not difficult) but above all decent.
Love triangle: Eyal and Alex's struggle to win Megan Barton Hanson’s heart has mutated into a matter of such epic importance it has got the whole country talking
Remind you of anyone? The nation hasn't been this outraged by a reality star's behaviour since Big Brother series one's 'Nasty' Nick Bateman
He repeatedly ‘held back’, as he put it, when Megan made her entrance as one of the new arrivals on Tuesday and notably did not take the opportunity of voting for Eyal and Megan as the Least Compatible Couple.
Mind you, that’s not to say that Alex is perfect.
There is case to say the way he has been so nice about Eyal moving in on Megan actually makes him a wimp.
The way Alex then ironed Eyal’s trousers for him - because he felt so guilty about capitalising on Adam’s plan was certainly pathetic.
It’s not impossible that it’s this type of thing that is stopping Megan from binning Eyal for Alex and has done from the beginning.
Both boys fell for her as soon as they saw ‘this beautiful angel creature walk in’ (as Laura put it).
Shortly afterwards Samira asked Megan who she would pick if she had to couple up with someone that minute.
On the plus side, Megan’s answer was: 'the doctor'.
Total gent: Alex always was going to be the show’s golden boy. He’s a doctor for one thing – a hero working in the NHS, in A&E
She's a looker! Both boys fell for her as soon as they saw ‘this beautiful angel creature walk in’
The bad news for Alex (and us) was that she explained her reason saying: 'I kind of want to give him a hug.'
It seems unlikely she’s going to stop seeing him as 'a lovely guy' or start fancying Alex enough to couple up with him.
All we can do is hope that at the very least Megan GETS RID OF EYAL.
There are plenty of reasons why she should.
Here are just 15 of the worst things about Eyal.
1. Eyal repeatedly, ostentatiously, kissing Megan in front of Alex - like a kid licking a sweet so that another boy can’t take it
When Eyal did it again on Wednesday just before Megan’s decision on coupling with him or Alex, even she admitted: 'I was shocked. I was expecting him to be more subtle about it.' He isn’t but she hasn’t done anything about it since.
2. Eyal kissing Megan in the stairwell (as it were)
Knowing Alex was upstairs Eyal dragged Megan inside and started kissing her practically with one eye on the door the whole time. He could have been enjoying the thought of Alex suffering the humiliation of seeing them more than snogging her.
3. Eyal letting Alex know he’d kissed Megan on his 'date' - if he was doing Alex a favour
‘I just wanted to come and tell you so you didn’t hear it from anyone else,’ he purred. Yes, that old chestnut – a real giveaway of a snake/swine.
Counting down: All we can do is hope that at the very least Megan GETS RID OF EYAL. There are plenty of reasons why she should
4. Eyal sticking a knife in his rival’s heart/back but at the same time acting as if Alex should regard him as a really great guy
Eyal dismissed suggestions that informing Alex about the kiss could be considered to have been unnecessary/unpleasant. On the contrary, he encouraged everyone to admire him - for not telling Alex earlier, before his turn at Megan’s table.
‘I didn’t – because I just wanted you to be the best version of your self on your date that you could be,’ Eyal smarmed. Puke.
5. Eyal’s hilarious, ridiculous, shtick as ‘the Buddha of Bushey’
Eyal is the sort of poser who wears his festival wristbands for weeks afterwards – so people will notice/ask him about it – and thinks that droning on about the sunsets in India and Ibiza makes them ‘sensitive.’
Eyal was so desperate to perpetuate this image of ‘spirituality’ he even explained earnestly to Hayley that he didn’t believe in God but in ‘an ethereal being’ and ‘auras.’ That’s Hayley - a girl who thought ‘spirituality’ was something to do with ghosts and didn’t know what an earlobe was.
6. Eyal’s hilarious, ridiculous, shtick as a green guru
Adam jokingly asked if Eyal had ever seen a spaceship - ‘with little green men.’ You realised Eyal was a total airhead when this caused him to drift into some sort of reverie and mutter ‘I love green things.’
Poser: Eyal is the sort of poser who wears his festival wristbands for weeks afterwards – so people will notice/ask him about it – and thinks that droning on about the sunsets in India and Ibiza makes them ‘sensitive.
Smarmy: Love Island's new villain has been repeatedly, ostentatiously, kissing Megan in front of Alex - like a kid licking a sweet so that another boy can’t take it
7. Eyal thinking the word ‘uni’ was cool
Eyal’s opening gambit when he chatted up Megan was ‘so did you go to uni?’ – basically his way of getting her to ask him if he had, allowing him to launch into his most flattering anecdotes. In his mind anyway…
8. Eyal thinking the worst phrases in his lexicon were cool
‘Are you OK?’ Samira asked after news of Adam’s plan to ensure Alex could talk to Megan.
‘It is what it is,’ shrugged Eyal, a meaningless expression at the best of times, but especially when he was fuming.
9. Eyal thinking the way he spoke was attractive to women
Eyal’s voice is so bogus you wouldn’t be surprised if he’d been practising it for years – a measured purr that he thinks shows how ‘chilled’ he is but is actually a giveaway of someone who is passive aggressive.
‘I feel like the villa Gods have finally delivered!’ Eyal told us after he first saw Megan. ‘Megan is definitely a woman. And I love a woman. I am all about women.’ Yuck.
10. Eyal’s way of defending his lack of genuine interest in Megan
‘I wanted to give you space for you to do you,’ he ‘explained’ at one point this week. Amazing.
Questionable fashion: The jacket without a T-shirt look, the sweater slung over the shoulders (a la Ken Barlow), that hair (a Kevin Keegan 70s perm)
11. Eyal’s appalling fashion sense
The jacket without a t-shirt look, the sweater slung over the shoulders (a la Ken Barlow), that hair (a Kevin Keegan 70s perm)… Eyal may be a model but he’s easily the least fashionable man in Love Island. If not the country…
12. Eyal’s credentials as a desperate fame chaser
Obviously hoping to emulate the likes of Amy Winehouse, Eyal went to the famous Sylvia Young Theatre School. But anyone who has seen the hilarious video of Eyal’s version of Meghan Trainor’s All About That Bass will know how badly, horribly, he failed.
His desperation to be famous makes Eyal the only one in Love Island who is a throwback to the wannabes on Big Brother.
13. Eyal proving his guru ‘chill’ was bogus
Eyal had already lost his rag and laid into Hayley in the first week and became more and more narked after hearing how Adam, Charlie, and co. had stitched him up for Alex.
'It’s fked me off a little bit,’ he admitted, obviously fked off a lot. He accused Alex of ‘not showing me respect’ as if he was Don Corleone in The Godfather and even had the audacity to accuse Alex of ‘not giving me the opportunity to have my moments with Megan’ – a bit rich coming from someone who popped up like a stalker every time Alex got anywhere near her.
14. Eyal’s idea of hard work
‘I’ve worked hard to get the outcome with Megan that I’ve got,’ Eyal blustered to Alex, protesting at Alex having a conversation with her. An idea of hard work that only a model could come up with.
Turned off: Hayley may not be the brightest light on the Christmas tree but even she terminated being coupled with Eyal saying she found it ‘boring being around him'
15. Eyal having a tantrum and turning himself into the victim
‘Megan has told me what the boys did in confidence and I don’t really want to rat her out,’ Eyal said promptly ratting her out by calling everyone together and whinging that Adam, Charlie, and the others had ‘mugged me right off with this little plan’ (which to be fair they had).
‘It’s a reminder that people snake you in here,’ he continued. ‘All I’ve ever been is loyal to each one of you.’
Like most of the male contestants Jack’s reaction to this showed he certainly had the measure of Eyal.
‘Trust me,’ he scoffed. ‘He don’t give a st.’
As for the girls, Hayley may not be the brightest light on the Christmas tree but even she terminated being coupled with Eyal saying she found it ‘boring being around him. Kissing him just clarified that literally I don’t want anything more.’
Let’s hope Megan is next.